Modern Heathen

I was browsing in another local Neo-Pagan forum. The subject of "are the Gods real?" came up. A local medium-sized fish in a small pond was quoted to the effect that he doesn't believe or worship in Gods or Goddesses, and people who admire him appear troubled by the the prospect that they actually want some sort of religious experience, but this local Pagan Leader doesn't.

I'm not making this up. My local community really does engage in this sort of "great Pagan leader is agnostic but I'm not, what's wrong with me?" mindfuckery.

I think it's normal for complex thoughtful people to give the question, "What is the nature of the Gods and am I just fooling myself" some thought.

But I'm part of the Recon Pagan community where it's generally expected that by the time you're going on about Gods, and goddammit, calling upon them in ritual (!) you really do believe in them.

Otherwise, aren't you uttering an untruth every time you call upon Deity? Deep in my heart, I believe that sort of thing has a corrosive effect on the soul, the delibarate speaking and courting of what one doesn't believe.

Why do people do this to themselves?

I suspect the following,

It's an effort to distance oneself from the vulnerability of actually believing something.

Plausible deniability.

Fear of looking silly.

And, conventional belief would be too uncool, too much like the mundanes.

The other night I dreamed I did several people a big favor and they completely screwed me over. I was giving a bunch of very sleazy Neo-Pagans a ride in my car and the bastards carjacked me. They kicked me out of my car and left me on a rural highway that looked rather like I-95 in the Carolinas.

The only thing left to me were the clothes on my back, and a wand. I was furious.

I remember waving the wand and screaming, "ODIN'S GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS!"

And, then I woke up.

Don't ask me what it means, I have no idea. But I called upon Odin, so I thought I'd mention it.

Curiously, I do own the wand that was in the dream. It was the only recognizable element in the entire dream. It's from an earlier stage of my life, I don't use wands in personal practice, but I do own it. I don't run around screaming that Odin is going to get people either, but on the other hand no one's ever tried to carjack me.

Maybe I should dig that wand out and stick it on my altar. Putting out my Odin statue wouldn't hurt either.

Providing the dream really meant anything, and wasn't just random noodling of my unconscious mind.